whoever came up with this is probably still patting themselves on the back at this very moment
i went to burger king when they got these and the girl said “would you like some satifries? theyre really satifrying.” and the boy behind her goes “shut up” and she goes “hes not satifried with my puns.”
If you’re thin, you don’t have to say ‘but I eat all the time!’/’I have a fast metabolism!’
If you’re fat, you don’t have to say ‘it’s genetic!’/’I’m trying to lose weight!’
You don’t need to explain to anybody why your body is the way it is. Your body is YOUR body, and that’s all the justification you need.
today my brother and his girlfriend we’re making out like right next to me and sort of as a joke I said “please stop flaunting your heterosexual lifestyle in front of me” and they laughed like that was the most ridiculous thing imaginable that anyone could say or think
I am enjoying lots of Merlot.
Although then I would need more bottles. But we can manage.;
I want to drink Merlot with all of you <3
"i was born in the wrong century," the girl sighs as she imagines a future where women have full ownership of their own bodies
i dont go on skype anymore. chat with me by screaming as loud as you can into the night sky. i will be listening
This is the face of a woman who knows the value of patience.